


Sunshine, But Then It Poured.

by Mysterycheerio



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dead May Parker (Spider-Man), Dead People, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hiding Medical Issues, Hurt Michelle Jones, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Jargon, Michelle Jones-centric, Not Happy, Song: Consequences (Camila Cabello), Songfic, Survivor Guilt, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26191396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysterycheerio/pseuds/Mysterycheerio
Summary: loving you was sunshine, but then it poured.im so sorry i didn't see it before
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & May Parker (Spider-Man), Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 16
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> v angsty, please read tags for tw 
> 
> stay safe lovelies <3

Peter sat in his room, silent, staring at, or rather through his wall. He didn’t pay any attention when Tony walked in, clearing away the used tissues and setting down some food.

_Dirty tissues, trust issues._

When he finally did move, he walked over to his bathroom, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes in a failed attempt to keep the tears at bay. He watched as they ran down his pale face, then washed his face to try and get rid of the blotchiness.

_Glasses on the sink, they didn’t fix you._

He clamped a hand over his mouth, looking at the clock on the wall which read three am. The razor dropped put of his hand in a haste to get to the cupboard, pressing gauze on his forearm.

_Secret keeping, stop the bleeding._

He didn’t leave his room for anything. Sometimes, Steve or Tony or Nat would bring him food, his favourites, he noticed. He never touched it. He didn’t see a reason to. When he lied down at night, because he rarely slept nowadays, he slipped his hand under his shirt and felt his protruding ribs.

_Lost a lot of weight because I wasn’t eating._

“I really like you.”

“I really like you too,” she smiled, and the two leaned in awkwardly for another kiss, before melting into a proper one, one that felt natural.

_Loving you was young, wild and free._

Michelle tucked her feet into his legs as he brought the duvet up and tucked it under his chin, the sound of The Force Awakens in the background.

“Do you have to?”

She smirked, “I’m cold, Spiderboy.”

He rolled his eyes, but let MJ rest her head on his chest as they watched the titles fade.

_Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet._

Peter held MJ as she cried, pounding her fists weakly on his chest, the baby monitor footage still on her laptop.

“I’m sorry, Em. I got you. We’re safe here, nothings gonna get us.”

_Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound._

She held his hand as a casket was lowered into the ground, trying not to think of the wonderful woman inside. He was paralysed, not even crying, which scared her, as Peter had always been a sensitive person.

That night, she just held him as he sobbed.

_A steady place to lay down my defences._  
_Loving you had consequences._

“Dude, what do I get her? Like, this is the first year anniversary, the most important!”

“Dude,” Ned laughed, “Just go with the dahlia necklace, it’s a great idea.”

“But what if it isn’t good enough?”

“It won’t be, but you are, and that makes it good enough.”

_Hesitation, awkward conversations._  
_Running on low expectations._

“You okay?” Peter sat up in his bed as MJ stumbled over to the bathroom, placing her hand on the wall to steady herself.

_Every siren that I was ignoring,_

Peter held her cold hand as tears ran down his face, silently wishing he had done more.

_Now I’m paying for it._

* * *

_Loving you was dumb, dark and cheap._

_Loving you will still take shots at me._

_Loving you was sunshine, and then it poured,_

_And i lost so much more than my senses._

_Loving you had consequences_


	2. Peace.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not a songfic, but a follow up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw.
> 
> so, this hit really close to home for me, bc the beginning part was how I found out my uncle died. Dont mind me im just projecting ✌

Peter was sitting in his apartment, keys rattling in his coat pocket when he got the call. The noise startled Morgan, who was sitting in the armchair, too engrossed in her phone to notice, startled her so much that she practically jumped.

He had offered to babysit Morgan for a weekend while Tony and Pepper were in Chicago doing some Stark Industries business. So far, it had been relatively easy, after all – she was almost 12 and he was almost 20.

That particular moment, they had just gotten back from dropping May off at the hospital for her nightshift, and Morgan had just collapsed on the sofa as if she was exhausted, which made Peter laugh lightly considering they drove, and it was Peter who was doing said driving.

He looked at the caller ID, sighing half-exasperatedly, half-fondly when he discovered it to be Tony (Peter had the Billionaire saved into his phone as ‘Tiny Stank').

“Hey Mr. Stark, if you’re being a helicopter parent again, I can assure you, Morgan’s fine. We were ju-"

“No, Peter, it’s not that.”

Tony’s voice was melancholic and strained, as if he had shouted his throat hoarse.

“What’s wrong?”

Due to his advanced hearing, Peter heard him gulp nervously.

“It’s MJ.”

“Wha- is she okay?”

A beat. “No, she’s dead Peter.”

He lowered his arm, leaving the phone resting on his leg. He didn’t bother to end the call. Morgan, sensing something was wrong, moved to sit on the floor on front of him, placing a caring hand on Peter’s while he stared at nothing, attempting to comprehend the information.

“Peter?” She asked hesitantly, “What’s going on?”  
Silently, he marvels at just how young Morgan seemed. When MJ first met her, back when they first started dating, she was five. Morgan brought out Michelle’s maternal side, and was the only one who was allowed to call her Emmie.

He exhaled, forcing back tears. “Emmie’s just died.”  
Morgan clasped a hand to her mouth, and soon enough, they were at Queens memorial center, bursting through the door of room #42.

_And, Fuck._

Tony, Pepper, Rhodey and Morgan all watched him with anticipation, but he focused on the body in the middle of the room. Her hair was sprung out all over the place, she was wearing a shirt that he had gotten her for her birthday, and around her neck...

He walked to her, ignoring the way Tony softly called out his name. Around her neck was the Dahlia necklace, messily glued back together from when it was broken all those years ago. She still smelled like MJ, daisies and vanilla, a touch of lavender from the shampoo she uses.

“How did she die?” He whispered, and for a moment, it seemed like he wasn’t going to get an answer, until.

“She, uh,” Rhodey said, “She bled to death. Slit her wrists.”

Peter’s eyes shone with tears, and even though the eyes were trained on the back of his head, they knew he was close to crying. Peter’s bony hand traced over her soft, limp one. It was growing colder by the second.

“Why didn’t she tell me?”

No one had an answer.

May eventually arrived, and hugged Peter. He didn’t return the embrace, just watched MJ’s lifeless face.  
When the doctor shuffled them out of the room at 1:49 am, Peter snuck two hands behind her neck, unlatching the necklace. He didn’t take his hands out until after he kissed her head gently, a whispered and broken apology forming on his lips.

He tucked the necklace into his pocket.

The next weeks, _more like months_ , went by in a haze.

His day would start off him deciding to sit up on his bed around nine am, cause he didn’t sleep anymore. Tony, or Steve or Nat would bring up some breakfast, which he didn’t eat.

The only time he felt like he was living was when he was tucked in between the shower and the bathtub, razor in hand, blood seeping dangerously from the lacerations on his wrists. _Maybe MJ had a point with this._

He remembers once, distantly hearing an argument between Tony and Clint – the archer saying something along the lines of, “Why is he so broken up about this, it’s just a high school crush, it was never going to go anywhere!”

He’s pretty sure Tony defended him, but if he did, he didn’t listen to it.

One night, he found himself on the roof of Stark Tower. He doesn’t remember how he got there. He looked up to the sky, speaking to some unknown entity, maybe a God of some sort.

“I know my life might seem like the world’s best reality TV show to you, but maybe ease off the whole Parker luck thing. Would it kill you to not treat me like your personal cat toy?”

He sighed. “You took her away from me. What, was that supposed to be fucking funny? What the fuck did I ever do to you, you overrated bastard?”

He thinks of what MJ would say right now: _Don’t blame God, or whatever the hell you’re taking to. You and I both know this isn’t what he does. Now, pull yourself together. We have a job to do._

Yeah, he did have a job to do, probably not the one she meant though.

Wind.

Cold.

Contentment.

Peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls comments im poor

**Author's Note:**

> comment?
> 
> sorry for the lack of posting, I have writers block  
> trying to complete the president!tony fic
> 
> if it makes you feel better, on my ig story I'm posting a lot about my kitten luna (@mysterycheerio)
> 
> if you come from my gc fic you may have an idea of what she looks like


End file.
